What Void?

Hey All,

Happy New Years to you and yours.  I have heard it time and again about emotional eaters eating to fill a void of some sort…do you know what the void is all about.  I know I have a huge problems with emotional eating and binging to the extreme, but it is such a mind fuck to sit here and run myself in circles trying to figure out the void.

How much time do I dedicate to figuring this out.  I have spent many years speaking to my psychologist and psychiatrist…so I know and admit that I have problems in more than a few areas, but I can’t pinpoint triggers for my actions most of the time.

It is a new year and I am trying to let go of the shackles that have held me often too tightly and move forward into 2015 knowing that I am going to stumble more than once trying to get healthy, but that I also shouldn’t pick on myself because of the stumbles.

Here are my clear triggers:

Not speaking my mind
Dealing with family
My living environment
Stress from work
Anxiety about the unknown

For some of these areas there are clear things that I can do, but easier said than done when dealing with my many family members.  I hope that 2015 is a year of changes for me as I deal with my health and try to make better choices…not perfect choices, but each day make better choices than I made the day before.

Be Blessed,

❤ Hill


The Food and My Career

Hey All,

What does food and my career have in common…they are both not going the way I want them too.

So it has been roughly two weeks of eating hella horrible, and I can’t promise tomorrow will be different though I want it to be.  It seems even when I have healthy food available I still choose to hit a fast food restaurant.  I think I may have discovered a problem…I need structure in my life.  My job schedule is what ever I make it…who the hell would grouch about that…this girl cause that mean on days when I feel like staying in bed I can do just that…which I did once this week. Worked from home for 3 hours and then the rest of the day I slept.


He may be eating cause he likes eating, but I know I have an under lying problem that I have to handle.

I recently graduated with my BBA with a concentration in Accounting, and a minor in English, but I don’t have full time employment because I committed to my part time job for another year to find a replacement, so I am looking for another part time job to supplement my expenses.  Numerous people have told me to quit my current job and work in my field, but I am guessing that no one but my boss and co-workers ever listened to me talk about my dreams…cause working in one of the big four accounting firms was never something I was interested in doing no matter how much I can make.  I wanna own my own business doing consulting and contract work on a range of areas that are in my field.


This may sound a tad bitter, but do you ever get tired of people who don’t truly enjoy there jobs giving advice about your career cause quite frankly…I WANNA LOVE MY WORK NOT JUST DEAL WITH IT FOR A CHECK EVERY TWO WEEKS.  I wanna help people through my degree area and experiences. Sure would I like to make tons of money, I wouldn’t say no if it was doing something that I loved, but I refuse to make a whole bunch of money at the cost of my happiness.  I may not know exactly where I wanna take my knowledge, but I do know I WANNA BE HAPPY!

❤ Hill

1 – 30 Day Challenge Down and Done

Hey All,

So as I said in my last post I had over a week of not eating right or exercising at all, so my 30 Day Challenge almost didn’t get done, but luckily I decided to see if I could still finish it up, and what do you know on 8/21/2014 I looked at my tracker…to discover that I had an end date of 8/22/14.

So I hit the gym for some elliptical time.  I wanted to do a total of 10,000 strides all in the single day, but after an hour and five minutes my heels and ankles were killing me, so I told myself that I would return the next day to finish it out.

I did it.  I got in over 10,000 Strides in between the two days


I choose to let my hiatus from healthy living strengthen my resolve to get back at it.  I have truly learned through the last few weeks that eating unhealthy didn’t make me any happier, but that it can definitely make me unhealthier.  I won’t always win each battle when choosing healthy over unhealthy, but each little victory is a step towards winning the war I am fighting with my past and my habits.

So with one challenge down I have to decide on the next, but I really wanna think about this one before jumping all in.  My final numbers are as follows.

 36,000 Elliptical Strides – 1st Challenge

Start Date: 7/23/2014
End Date: 8/22/2014

Weekly Totals:

07/30/2014: 11,850 Strides which was 127 Minutes

08/06/2014: 15,470 Strides  which was 185 Minutes

08/13/2014: 0 Strides

08/20/2014: 0 Strides

8/21/2014: 6238 Strides which was 65 Minutes

8/22/2014: 4728 Strides which was 45 Minutes

FINAL TOTAL on 08/22/2014:

38324 Strides

A total of 427 minutes or 7 hours and 11 minutes on the elliptical

and A total Distance of 23.02 Miles 

Though I know I could have done a lot more if I hadn’t been on my hiatus from healthy living…I am extremely proud that I was able to finish this challenge out and how far I pushed myself.

Until the next time remember that the universe is in my thoughts there by so are you.

Be Blessed,

❤ Hill

Shit Happens, but I am Still Here

Hey All,

I love wordpress cause it totally helps me keep track of how long I haven’t posted or been on wordpress. I last posted on the 6th of August.  I have to confess that I have failed to control much of anything going on in my life as of late.  I didn’t give up cause I am back and even when not eating healthily or failing to hit the gym I never lost sight of this journey.  I just didn’t have the will power and energy to really give a hell that I have not lost any weight in the last three weeks.  Happy to say that I haven’t gained any weight either.


This post is gonna cover where I sit right now at this time on a few of the things I have going on.

Job Situation: I am taking back control. I am looking for a second job and I need one by the mid September or I will not be able to cover my bills.  I have applied for over 20 jobs thus far and I have had 3 interviews that didn’t pan out, but on the flip side I have 4 interview next week.

Gym and Personal Trainer: I have decided that I a gonna freeze my YMCA member ship after I complete my 30 day challenge.  I pay  100 for 4 personal training session and I love my trainer, but right now keeping my apartment and buying food is more important.  My member with my sister at the YMCA is 57 which I just can’t pay any longer without the second job. So for now these items will have to go on hold until I secure a second job and catch up on bills.

30 Day Challenge:  So my 30 day challenge is over tomorrow.  In all honesty I wasn’t even sure if I had missed the deadline, but I am glad that I haven’t, so here is the deal. I am gonna head to the gym this evening and I am gonna do 10,000 strides on the elliptical so I can say that I finished it out.

I haven’t had time to check in on everyone else’s blogs, but I hope that I will have the time while at the gym on the elliptical to check in and read up on all of what you all have been up to.

Motivational quote 16

I am back in control and I am going to fight to stay there.

Until next time remember that the Universe is in my thoughts there by so are you.

Be Blessed,

❤ Hill

30 Day Challenge Update

Hey All,

Just wanted to let you all know how my 30 day challenge is going. So though I have missed some Zumba classes I have still been managing to hit the gym for elliptical and strength training.

Week 01 –  I managed in the first week to get in 127 minutes on the elliptical, and I got in 11,850 strides.

Week 02 – I managed to get in the second week to get 185 minutes on the elliptical, and I got in 15,508 strides

So that is a total of 312 minutes and 27,358 strides.

I continue to be surprised at how much I can do when I don’t fear failure.

Success is not final

I still fear failure every once in a while, but not as much.  It is something I am aware that I do, and I am working on utilizing that fear to push me forward. Until the next time remember that the Universe is in my thoughts there by so are you. Be blessed.

❤ Hill

It’s Weigh In Time – End of Week 07

Hey All,

I hope you all are having a great week.  Well it is that time once again to put the numbers out there.

Beginning Weight on 6/15/2014: 359.8

Last Weigh In on 7/30/2014 337.4

Current Weight on 8/06/2014 – 339.0

Gain of 1.6

Total Lost 20.8

I can’t say I was surprised by the gain if you read my Coming Clean post you know that I struggled most of the week, but I am not sad about it either, which is quite strange.  As I write this I have a smile on my face because it wasn’t that long ago that a gain even a small one would have thrown me for a loop and sent me in a downward spiral.

Every day even when I give in to my stress I am aware of the journey I am on to Health, Happiness, and Prosperity.

Every day even when I give in to my stress I am aware of the journey I am on to Health, Happiness, and Prosperity.

I am not proud that I allowed stress to deter me, but life happens or as I would say shit happens, and we don’t always react in the best ways, even when we know that we should. I am back on track though I have been having some elbow pain, but I am still working on my mission step by step.

Each of up determine our destiny.

Each of us determine our destiny.

So until the next post remember that the Universe is in my thoughts there by so are you. Be blessed.

❤ Hill

Coming Clean

Hey All,

Cause for a split second I thought about throwing in the towel, so I could eat what ever I want.

Cause for a split second I thought about throwing in the towel, so I could eat what ever I want.

So I have to come clean about the things that I have been doing…or rather not doing, and what I have been eating.  I was fine on Wednesday, but Thursday I felt mentally hungry all day.  I don’t know if you know what I mean, but I would eat and my tummy was full, but I was mentally craving food in a bad bad way.  I got a little more than I could stand when I got off of work and called my sister about going to Zumba.  I was still trying to talk myself into going to Zumba that afternoon, but when I got home I just said fuck it.

None of us know exactly how long it will take to make these new habits stick, but if we give up we will never know.

None of us know exactly how long it will take to make these new habits stick, but if we give up we will never know.

Without going into all the chaos that was my Thursday – Saturday cause lord knows that you probably don’t want me to give you the recap which would take 3-4 paragraphs of my feelings and what the fuck I was thinking as I stuffed my face and laid in bed through Zumba.  I messed up and I can’t even honestly tell you why, which is the most bewildering thing to me.  I wanna know what set me off and why I was so mentally and emotionally hungry.

It wasn’t until this afternoon that I got a clue about why I may have been feeling so hungry and stressed out. After having a blow out fight with a few family members I feel more level headed and sane.  Perhaps it is the holding back what I really want to say that has me stuffing my face. Perhaps it is my lack of directions or rather that I have too many directions in which to go, so I am feeling lost. Either way I am moving forward from today into tomorrow and the next day after that.

Wish me luck as I get my ass moving once again.  I have to take control of my feelings, actions, and my future. Only I can control myself no one else.

My plan A failed, so I gotta move one, but not give up.

My plan A failed, so I gotta move one, but not give up.

Until next time when I hope I have something more positive to share. Remember that the Universe is in my thought there by so are you. Be Blessed.

❤ Hill